I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
