I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize