i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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