so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
