Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
