Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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