absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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