My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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