normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
