having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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