Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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