Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
