dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
