I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize