Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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