I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
