hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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