bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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