dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
