Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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