i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
