I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize