my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize