I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
