i don't like sucking hair
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
