I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Will exercising make me less horny?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize