I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
