i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize