i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
