We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
