We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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