If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize