We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
