i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
