Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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