I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
