whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
