Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They have beer where we have blood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
