at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize