I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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