I will die if light touches me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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