She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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