can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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