Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
