I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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