Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm always down for nudity.
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