Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
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