I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize