I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
