They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
