Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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