Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're facebook friends in real life
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
