Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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