Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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