My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
