she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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