I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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