I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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