I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
