it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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