Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
