i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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