morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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