Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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