We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
