Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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