Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
