shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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