Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
