If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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