roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
