Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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