That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
