I accidentally had phone sex last night
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
