I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
