You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
