so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
