watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
