She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
