ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
