Porn is love you can see.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
