Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
