watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
