so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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