i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
