so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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