Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
