State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
