i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
