The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
