Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
