38 yer olds are good kisserssss
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
