i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
