btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Randomize